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D.P. Gumby and his wife's young sister with whom he's been secretly working the family vegetable allotment and reputedly shagging occasionally...the very lovely Miss Ophelia Ratcatcher-Bucket, who is 19 years old and lives in Swansea although she was born and bred in Scunthorpe - in a test tube, hidden in a box in the Ratcatcher-Bucket family's attic."(lots of enthusiastic applause from the audience...real clapping, wolf whistling, cheering and laughing - not any of that Canned Nonsense that you get for your Telly Licence Payer's money on all those other downmarket TV shows)"Good evening folks, welcome to Who Said What. You both must be really itching to get started. But first, I'd like you tell the audience a bit about yourselves, so let's begin with your, Mr. Gumby. We usually call our contestants by their first names, so what does the 'D.P.' stand for ?" " I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that, Mr. Gumby" " That's ok, Mr. Gumby. I understand that you must be pretty nervous, being. . Together, I’m filled with so much love that the hope is sticking with me even when I’m down. It’s not just sex, it’s the whole American dream—two kids, two cars, and two wives. How can I be depressed?”At last, both Melody and Lissa looked at me and broke out laughing. We sprawled out on the bed just holding and hugging each other. I thought—I hoped—that just maybe, we’d saved our relationship. Lissa seemed to be thinking hard, but she was cuddled between Melody and me and not letting go.“You let me win that last rally,” Lissa accused, poking my chest. “You can’t ever let an opponent win like that. People will walk all over you.”“I didn’t let you win it. When I saw you prepare to serve, I realized there was no way you could lose. I tried to return that shot. I could have been a world champion player, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Sometimes you just know the outcome before you make the play.”We lay there holding each other, not doing anything. We might even have dozed off.
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